I have been strong.
I have some urge to communicate with him but I stopped myself. His words has helped me a lot.
HY has been supportive. I was pretty cold - most likely I am still unclear of my own emotions
Somehow I feel I no longer need anyone in my life
I have everything I need
I have people supporting me
Also, I am only starting to learn what is love - the right love
He moved out today
The last sentence which came out from his mouth before we departed: I enjoy hitting people. I will not stop and I will never change. I’m telling you this so you can stop waiting for me.
It never left me.
I know he will tell me later on he doesn’t mean it (which is true coz he said it on 29 August)
I didn’t cry when he left, I only cried before he left and I was talking to him why this has to happen.
He is going to move out for good
Until now, I am still telling him i didn’t abandon him. It’s just that it’s not safe for him to stay with me and the children. He is violent, abusive. It’s not going to be easy for him to change. He doesn’t accept my advice nor does he show any sign of remorse. His mood and idea has been yo-yo’ing.
I have to leave for my own sanity. To keep myself in a healthy environment. I want to be happy, I have suffered too much… he is not my responsibility
I wished he had left and never came back!
Now he’s back, he is just a free loader.
He doesn’t has money, doesn’t has a proper place to stay, doesn’t has friend who stand by him, doesn’t has a job.
That’s why he is here. No money for petrol, to go out enjoy anymore. Eat mine, stay mine, use mine! So disgusting.
When he has money he will not be at home.
He is just using my empathy and I still do not know how to chase him out for good without hurting him.
I have been thinking, since the morning he left to Cameron Highland.
He was at home the whole day before going to Cameron. I wondered why - then I know, it was because he needed money for the trip and I was the only one who could loan it to him at that point of time. I was his last resort.
That morning, he replied ok to help me open the washing machine or hang the clothes but he forgotten about it. Why. Most probably he didn’t remember my message or my message means nothing anymore.. I called immediately after he hang up but after 7 WhatsApp call and 2 line call, he didn’t pick up. His reason? He was at the parking-no line.
Evening, I lost my earbud but once again, my message meant nothing. He didn’t reply until his live was over.
Then there is another night, he didn’t read my text but he was online. I called, no pick up. Then he online, I call again. He picked up, talk a while and he muted. When asked, he said he was sleeping when I text, then now he’s eating. He asked to stop suspecting him. Minutes later he texted saying he was not doing anything.
No explanation, no answer. Only lies and reflected questions. Relationship with narcissst is only on the surface. They do not have soul or even spirit. They are a shell without body.
He stayed another night in Penang for God knows why. Even though I have a colonoscopy on Monday, he didn’t bother to make the effort to be back to help.
It just tiring to be the one always giving and yet being condemned when didn’t give enough. Love is not only giving. It’s mutual, it’s helping each other. It’s a partnership. If there is only one person who is always giving, the day the person stop giving is the day the relationship stops.
Sunday night when he was supposed to be coming back, I told him it might not be good environment for him. I will be taking laxative for colonoscopy tomorrow. It might be noisy for him. The kids need to be up 6am and leave at 630am tomorrow-his sleep might be disrupted. His gum is swollen so he needs plenty rest. I presented facts to him - in the end - he decides. To be with ‘family’ regardless of what. Because what joy is more joyous than being with the person you love. Even if it will be noisy or uncomfortable - I know I will be happy if I’m in pain but the person I love is next to me…
His choice was - I choose my pleasure over anything else. I am in pain, no one else’s pain matter. I will be in peace and there is nothing else matter except me.
And this is how I know, I will be abandoned when I’m sick. He will never be the person who sits beside you to take care of you.
I’m staying with a useless man
I am never the kind of person who looks down on people.
This time, I have to tell the truth
When I met him, he had nothing but dreams
I enabled his dreams to become reality
When it became reality, I was blamed - he would’ve been better without a shop. His life would’ve been better if he had stayed as a worker. He was not thankful for what he had.
That was the time he said how sad he was because he is doing something he has no passion on. His passion is fashion, clothing. Food is not something he enjoyed.
God is great! He heard his woe and took the shop away from him. God gave him a chance to do what he wanted to do - out from the misery I put him in.
Guess what? He became depressed again. Depressed from no income and how he loved doing food business.
Do you see a pattern? This is the pattern of a person who is never contented with what he has.
This cycle will never end because this is who he is.
The dark trait is not a disorder, it’s called a trait because it’s in the DNA. It will never change…
I felt so stupid
The reason I left my family, my husband was because he was romantic
He would buy me flower
Yes, just a simple flower made me left everything
I am a person who is strong on the outside but so fragile in the inside. So sensitive that 1 stalk of flower can buy me over.
When I asked why weren’t there any flower - all he replied was
Flower is not real life
You always ask me to live in the real world. What you want is not real
What is so unreal about wanting flower when I’m sick?
What is so unreal about wanting gifts from the person I love when I discharge?
He added, look at your age, look at your friend. Why would you put the blame on me? Finding small mistakes to create drama with me.
No I’m not. I just want what I wanted. Is it wrong to want flower at 38?
Yes it is. I can buy myself flower. I don’t need a man who doesn’t keep his promise.
I was admitted to Sg Long Specialist Hospital on 8-Aug midnight due to food poisoning.
Normally, i would feel better after food poisoning but this time, after diarrhea and vomiting, my lower abdominal pain did not go away. The contraction would come on very frequently that I can't sleep or eat or rest. from 5pm to 10pm - then i decided that I want to go to the hospital and get myself admitted.
This is when he came into the picture. I told him around 5pm that I had diarrhea and felt terrible. He cancelled his job and drove back to pick me and the boys from school. Arrived around 6pm and I told him what Ben told me. I had inflammation at the lower abdominal so the pain will be there, but it will be better as time passes. We waited till around 10pm and I woke him up saying it's still pain and I want to go to the hospital and get admitted. He replied "there is nothing wrong with you. You are lying. There is reason and you are lying that you are in pain when you are not" I can not imagine why would anyone say this to me, when I'm in so much pain. What kind of human will say this to a person who is in pain for several hours. He said :
1. Your diarrhea is not smelly
2. You do not have fever
3. You are stress from work - you want to cheat MC
4. You are stress from your children - you find reason not to take care of them
Why on EARTH would I DO THIS!!!!
I am happy with teaching, I want to go to school everyday because I am so excited in the new things I can bring for the children. I love making music playing game with them.
I am happy with my children - although I keep complain they are noisy. But they are part of the reason I am alive. I am happy with my current status and environment. I am very contented with them.
My diarrhea is not smelly because the smelly part already gone, now the bacteria still inside and the shit just doesn't harden.
Fever yet to come because it takes time for certain bacteria to trigger the immune system.
Based on those reasoning? And based on the fact he hold on to that I used to cheat MC when I was working last time? Also, that was wrong - i will never get myself admitted to skip work. The most is get MC from clinic....
What kind of person would throw such accusation to someone who is so sick? And that person is the person he sees everyday. If he thinks so badly of me, why still stay with me? How can I make him leave?
