I came across this blog today, well - it's kinda old story and i'm kinda outdated but i'm glad i found this news. It is simply Awesome~!
can you imagine travelling to somewhere without any bag? I can't even come to work without my bag, where i have my "rubbish" in. From nail clipper to theory handbook. Rolf Potts actually did it! here's a link to the official site of this event: No Baggage Challenge
I simply cut and paste these stuffs he mentioned on his site in case i might need it on my next travel~
1. Manage the journey from your mobile phone. A smartphone could well be the most important tool for a baggage-less traveler. It can store your boarding passes and other important documents, make phone calls from virtually anywhere in the world (with a swappable SIM card) and even act as a miniature blogging tool. I recommend an iPhone with a foldable Bluetooth keyboard, which allows you to fit your mobile office inside a single jacket pocket. The iPhone can be loaded with a series of applications to replace everyday day items carried on a normal trip. The Kindle app lets you leave behind bulky books, and Genius Scan lets you use you iPhone’s camera as a makeshift scanner so you can quickly save receipts and email them to yourself on the fly. Wikihood utilizes the phone’s GPS to serve location-relevant Wikipedia articles, which is a unique and interesting alternative to a guidebook. Throw in your favorite currency converter, phrase book, and flight tracker, and you’ve got a single device in your pocket more powerful than its dead-weight paper counterparts. Some recommedations:TripTracker by PageOnceLonely Planet series of phrase books (multiple links depending on language)
2. Keep your footwear simple and practical. With no bags, the only shoes you’re going to want to bring is whatever you’re wearing from day to day. I’m traveling with a pair of Blundstone boots I bought in Australia in 2006. I’ve worn these boots all over the world the past four years, from Paris to Ethiopia to the Falkland Islands, and they’ve served me great. They work for hiking in remote environments, yet they’re easy to slip off and on at airport security. Some travelers might prefer Chaco or Teva sandals (if nothing else to save packing socks) — and I won’t fault them for that — but my Blundstones look nice enough that they will get me into places where sandals might seem too informal. You are on your feet constantly when you travel, of course, so whichever footwear you choose to bring (be it sandals or boots or running shoes), make sure you aim for comfort, simplicity, and durability. (Note from Tim: I opt for darker-colored Keen Newport Bison Leather Sandals. If you use black or dark socks, since they have closed toes, you can easily get into restaurants or even pass for business casual if you tuck the tightening strings in.)
3. Buy or borrow certain items as you go. An old vagabonding adage goes, “Pack twice the money and half the gear.” The same notion applies to no-luggage travel — even if you’re only packing a tenth of the gear. If a journey takes you to a beautiful beach region, odds are you can buy rubber flip-flop sandals there for a few dollars. If a given city is rainy, cheap umbrellas should be in plentiful supply — and if you get sick, the world is full of pharmacies (many of which are better-suited to cure local ailments that whatever medicine you might have packed). Should you travel your way into cold weather, thrift stores are a good place to buy a warm jacket (which can be given way to a needy person or left in a hostel swap-box when you leave). You can also borrow things from other travelers along the way. You don’t want to be obnoxious about this, of course, but most travelers don’t mind sharing a spot of toothpaste or a couple of aspirin, and asking for these kinds of things can be a great way to strike up a conversation at the hostel or on the hiking trail.
4. Be disciplined and strategic with what you choose to bring along.Packing light can be enough of a challenge when you have a small backpack, let alone when you have to keep all your gear in your pockets. This in mind, don’t bring anything you’re not going to use every day. Nail clippers can be borrowed along the way; rain ponchos can be purchased on rainy days. I left my razor out of the equation (it was better to let my beard grow and then get a hard razor shave in Morocco), and before the trip I cut my hair so short I won’t ever need shampoo. Any big-box retailer should have bins of tiny deodorants and collapsible toothbrushes to keep your toiletries micro-sized. Camping stores will sell 3-ounce snap-top storage bottles that work well for toting concentrated laundry detergent or multipurpose liquid soap. Err on the side of minimalism; you can buy or borrow items along the way.
5. Wear travel gear with strategically located pockets.If you travel without any bags, this means whatever gear you bring will have to fit in your pockets. My journey is co-sponsored by ScotteVest, an Idaho-based sportswear company that specializes in travel clothing with multiple pockets. Most of my gear fits into the ScotteVest Tropical Jacket, which has 18 pockets of differing sizes. A majority of these pockets are accessed from the inside, which (a) is a nice deterrent against pickpockets, and (b) saves me the “dork factor” of looking like I’m traveling the world dressed like a confused trout fisherman. I can carry a majority of my gear in this jacket without looking ridiculous — plus the sleeves zip off, so I usually wear it as a vest. I’m also wearing a pair of Ultimate Cargo Pants from ScotteVest, though I’ve packed light enough that I rarely have to use the large cargo pockets. ScotteVest isn’t the only company that makes travel gear with utility pockets, of course; your local camping outfitter or travel-specialty store should provide you multiple gear options, and you can choose the clothing that best fits your needs.
6. Use a minimal rotation of clothing. Essentially, you’ll want to travel with little more than the clothes on your back — but you will want to bring a few spare clothing items to keep things fresh and ensure you won’t get too stinky. Given that I wear cargo pants, a travel vest, socks, underwear, and a short-sleeved t-shirt under a long-sleeved shirt on a typical day of my trip, I keep one spare t-shirt, two extra pairs of socks, and two extra pairs of underwear in my pockets. Each night I wash the day’s socks, underwear and t-shirt in the hotel/hostel sink, and these items are dry enough to pack by morning. I’ve been washing the cargo pants about once a week (and I have yet to wash the travel vest). Some people take short no-luggage trips with even fewer clothes, but my arrangement isn’t bulky and ensures that I always have a rotation of fresh socks, underwear and t-shirts. (Note from Tim: Here what I pack for an uber-light trip, in this example less than 10 pounds total. ExOfficio underwear are a lifesaver.)
7. Utilize the postal system for souvenirs and extra gear
With airlines baggage fees quickly spiraling upward, many travelers these days are saving money and hassle by mailing certain items to one or more destinations along their itinerary. If, say, you’re traveling from warm climates into cold climates, you can mail your warm clothing to the first cool destination (just make a pre-arrangement with the hotel you’ll be staying at in that location). On that same token, traveling without luggage doesn’t mean you have to forgo buying souvenirs — if just means you won’t be able to carry them. To solve this problem, just hit the local post office and mail that Balinese mask or Latvian amber or Syrian silk home. This is actually a strategy that can be employed when you’re traveling with luggage: The souvenirs you find along the way might be nice, but there’s no sense in dragging them along with you. It’s worth the expense to ship them.
Remember: Travel is about the experience, not what you bring with you.
In the end, that remember that going without luggage and packing ultra-light need not be an extreme act. It isn’t a contest, or a rite of travel-superiority: It’s just a great way to eliminate distractions and concentrate on the experience of the journey itself. Freed of baggage, there’s little to forget or lose on the road. You don’t have to stow anything, guard anything, or wait for anything (aside from the occasional train or bus): You can just throw yourself into the adventure and make the most of your travels.
Recently, I have been googling on MTest - Malaysian Teacher Selection Test and my efforts was in vain. In fact not many info was provided for this, is it coz it's against the law for anyone to post tips on it? Or ppl were just too lazy or selfish to share. Anyway, it was a good experience. I really wonder is the MTest result valid, if that's the case, then why aren't all the teachers full of dedication or smart, in the sense, has certain level of intelligence. I'm not criticising teachers, but merely stating my 5 cents worth.
Enough of the introduction, about MTest. Candidates were informed 5 days prior to MTest, which gives them only 5 days to prepare. Assuming most candidates are working adult, they only have 5-6 hours/day, 25 hours to really prepare for this exam. Mtest consists of 5 components:
1. INSAK 2. English 3. Quantitative 4. Verbal 5. Analytical
All questions are in Malay, except for English of course. If my mind still works well, Quantitative is bilingual (Malay and English).
Before going into those questions, I think it's better to share my experience so that those who plan to take MTest will have a better picture and will not be as blur I were then.
Reach the location - which is a secondary school at 8.30am. Some people were queuing up for I don't know what so I just continue the line. When i reach the front, then only i realise the queue was for candidates to look at few pieces of A4 paper to look for your name, IC and sit number. Mine was Room D, number 17. After I got my seat number, i proceed to the class room, Room D.. Now, where is Room D? There were no indications except for a paper pasted at the classroom door. I will have to look at every door then, great way to waste your time!
Here it is, 2nd floor, 2nd room. Signed my name at a piece of paper at the door since everyone else did the same. I suppose we should just follow the crowd. Waited outside the classroom because everyone else was there. At about 8.50am, few school teachers walked into the room with a clock and OMR papers. We were instructed to sit at the designated place, place our pencil box on the floor, only stationaries, IC and exam slip on the desk - reminiscing the past~~
The teacher distributed the blank OMR paper, please do not simply change the paper coz there are serial number on it and it is distributed in accordance to the number. On top of that, do not write anything unless asked. Time is crucial here.
An additional note on the OMR paper, it's 2-sided, 1st page has 160 or so column for A or B, there's also the word INSAK written on top. I think it's self explanatory. This page is for you to shade your INSAK answers. Next page, there are 4 parts, Quantitative, Analytical, English and Verbal - forgot the sequence though. Thus, do remember to shade in the right column!
Bout 8.50am, the teacher distributed the booklet. There are 5 column and 6 rows of seat in the classroom. Every column will be distributed with different question book. Still unclear? A clearer illustration, Column 1 will be given Booklet A, which is INSAK; Column 2, Quantitative; Column 3, English; Column 4, Analytical; Column 5, Verbal. Every question book has to be answered in 30 minutes and the booklets will be rotated. Hence, DO NOT write anything on the book unless you want your neighbour to know all your answers!
In the next 2 hours and 30 minutes, all you have to do is to concentrate answering the questions, the invigilator has a lot to talk... Simply ignore her if you want to finish those questions in a section in 30 minutes.
Wanna know about the format and questions? Read on Part 2...
Have you ever got sick of men lying to you? When they look straight into your eyes and lie to you? Honestly speaking, i'm sick of it. I do not know when to trust them, when not to. Hence, i went online, to look for reasons why they would lie. So, here are a few:
For SEX - yes, they'll do anything for sex.
It's in their blood - they love lying - and they don't believe they're really "lying" if they withhold some of the truth.
To avoid conflict
When they wanna avoid something imposed on them
He's not confident of himself
To get out from a mess
When they are busted
When they think their girlfriend / wife is stupid
For other monetary / status gain
I still don't get it.If a man treats you as his good friend, why would he still lie to you? Hmm.. Man.. justify this~~!!
Recently, i came across this site about "How your mind makes sense to the world"... In this site, they discuss about the various laws of the mind. In fact, after reading "The Secret", I've been wondering, is Law of Attraction working well or is it as what it means by "Fake it till you get it!" Sometimes, it's hard to make your subconscious know what you want when you, yourself do not know what you want. Or you dare not want what you want! Then, here comes this site which once again reinstate what "The Secret" has been saying. Feel free to visit the page here. Nevertheless, I've made a summary of what's in there.
Law of Cause and Effect - everything happens for a reason. Whatever you have now is the result of choices you made in the past. Do you think it's true? I think it's true for what has happened to me.
Law of Physicality - your mind influences your physical reaction. I'm sure you'll feel your heart beats faster when you think of those scary things..
Law of Corporality - it states something that your mind can actually prolong your life. If you think positive all the time, the hormone which you secrete, can makes you live longer. I'm sure about that, coz i'm still young. Perhaps it's true..
Law of Visualisation - something about your subconscious is more powerful than knowledge
Law of Expectation - one sentence to wrap this "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right"
Law of Cognitive Dissonance - 2 opposing ideas cannot occupy your mind the same time. Seriously, i think if that happens, you might need help from psychiatrist.
Law of Reversed Effect - This law is the one which catches my attention. It actually says that, the more you want to do something, the more you can't do it. Because there is the subconscious that resist the change. There is actually something that has been set in your subconscious to protect you from the things or event which you think of as dangerous. This thinking has been accumulated from your previous experience. That is one of the reason why most ppl are reluctant to love and be loved. Perhaps because of their previous experience from it. According to the founder of this law, this thing can be changed if you slowly feed your subconscious with what you want. This process can't be changed abruptly, in fact, the faster you want to change it, the more it will resist the change. In the end, you might collapse with mental disorder :P
Law of Inertia - Once something is in your subconscious, it remains there until it is replaced. This is where stereotyping occurs.
Law of Persistence - This is what happens to most elderly people. They have been living few years with their own thinking, hence it's harder to change their thinking as compared to try changing a child's thinking.
Law of Incrementalism - As long as you practise your thinking, it grows stronger.
All in all, i think that these laws are indeed meningful and one should master them before you want to master your life. Afterall, knowing yourself and your enemy is the first step to success.
When i saw this headline on The Star today, i was wondering, do they mean SPM as O level, or the O level in Singapore. To my wonder, it's really the O level in Singapore. You can read it here: Subang Jaya girl scores 10A1s in O-level exam . Before i came here for my industrial training, i felt afraid, afraid that i might not be smarter than those who are already here - Sinaporean. People back in Malaysia think highly of Singaporean, my family - not my parents - has this thinking that it would have been better if i had chosen to come to poly or JC after my SPM, and not MMU. They think that it will be better if i had do so. But then again, this article has proven them wrong. We Malaysians are not necessarily worse than Singaporeans. We may be living in a place where the quality of life is lower, PPP is lower, economy is lower, etc. BUT there are still Malaysians who are more intellectual, more hardworking, more humble than Singporeans. Well, all in all, this blog is to remind everyone to not only look on one side of a situation - including myself :P
The following article is something i would like to share with all. Being a mistress is never something good to start with but then again, some people might say that some woman is just fated to be a mistress than a wife. So, this article provides the every do's and don't's for a mistress-to-be. Enjoy reading :) Meanwhile, if you're planning to be the other woman, i hope this song will stop you from doing so...
Being a mistress is, in many respects, the perfect sexual situation. You get wined and dined and treated like a lady, you get as much sex as time permits, you may even get a contribution towards the rent (but you don't have to wash anyone else's socks) and you certainly don't have to put up with sport on the TVor have to deal with them coming back drunk from the pub.
Moral Dilemmas
Having an affair with a married man isn't socially or morally nice. We all hate being cheated on, and there are no two ways about this; you are enabling a man to cheat on his wife. This is one of the reasons for making sure that the affair remains essentially meaningless. Fun, entertaining, satisfying, but meaningless.
There is a difference for the man, and therefore for his wife, between him having a love affair and having a mistress. Too many women are left reeling with pain years, or even decades, after a man takes the taxi ride into another relationship for it to be in any way acceptable to do this. So make sure neither of you fall in love, set rules and stick to them, and if he even thinks about thinking of leaving his wife, end the affair there and then. Follow the Wiccan philosophy of 'do what you will, but do no harm'.
Being a mistress only suits women who are not looking for commitment in a relationship. There are unattached men out there, and aside from the damage it will cause to his wife and his children, a man who can skillfully lie to his partner is no kind of partner to choose. From a simple point of self-preservation, if from no other, if you are looking for a partner do not seek out married men.
However, if you're going to do a thing, for goodness-sake do it well! If you follow the guidelines in this entry, you will both have lots of pleasure and lots of fun, and you will minimise the risks of pain for all three of you. Be under no illusions, you are playing with fire. It is compelling, it is fun, it keeps you warm at night, but you can all get badly burned1.
So, here are a few simple rules to follow to be the perfect mistress.
'Who Needs a Heart, When a Heart Can Be Broken?'
Don't Fall in Love and Don't Get Emotionally Involved
Choose a man who makes you feel wonderful; choose a man who makes you laugh; choose a man who is good in bed; but don't choose someone you are going to fall in love with. The moment his failings start to become cute, concentrate on just how annoying they are. And the moment that you become emotionally involved he can hurt you. This is about feeling good, not about feeling pain.
Keep It Light
The time you spend together will be limited, so make sure it is good. Put in the effort. Dress up, turn off your mobile phone, light candles, be in a good mood, make sure he has a good time (if he does, you will too), and only say yes to a date if you can both be undistracted.
We had to meet on the Thursday because Man U were playing his team at home on the Sunday. A friend of mine said how awful to be second best to football, but my view is that it would have been much too dangerous to be more important than football.
Accept Flowers, But Not Hearts
Don't let him fall in love with you. This is one of the ground rules you should set out at the start of the affair. Make it clear that you want his body, his company, his attention, and some of his time, but that you do not want commitment. You won't let him damage his marriage, and you will end it if he falls in love.
However, don't necessarily panic if he says he loves you - he may well not really mean it. Remember, this is a man who lies to women.
Set Ground Rules
Setting the ground rules for both of you at the start of the affair means that it is easier for both of you to keep it light and run as few risks as possible. And by setting the ground rules, even though a lot of them appear to be disempowering, you will in fact be calling the shots.
Never Make Phone Calls
The big advantage of making him phone you is that when you do talk to each other it is because he wants to talk to you. He will have the time and the privacy, and hopefully nothing else on his mind. You can both enjoy the phone call without any strain or stress.
The two last times I phoned I expected him to be either at work or driving home - both times he was with his wife on a train, going away on a long weekend or a holiday. Awkward.
Tell Him Not to Tell You When He Plans to Phone
This means he won't feel bad about not phoning you when he said that he would because, sure as eggs are eggs, he won't phone when he says he will. It also reduces the strain on you, because you won't sit around waiting for a phone-call that never takes place, you just get on with your own life. And if he phones when you cannot spend time on the phone, it will gently remind him that he is not the only thing in your life.
Never Complain, Never Explain
Keep your own life, let it be quite clear that he is only a part of it. If you cannot meet him, don't go into long explanations about why. A good additional rule is that as soon as someone becomes part of your private life, then you never tell them about any other aspect of your private life.
If he is having a particularly busy time at home or at work and can't see you for a while, don't complain about it - he will get more than enough nagging from his wife.
Don't Ask...
One of the easiest ways to ensure your own right to privacy is to enforce his. In particular, don't talk about his wife. You can end up in the odd position of giving your lover marriage guidance counselling and this is bad for all three of you. You are not his best friend, you are his mistress, and it is inappropriate for you to know too many details of other parts of his personal life. If he does happen to moan about his wife - never contribute to it. It's all right for him to complain about his wife, but he will resent someone else doing it.
Sauce for the Goose is Sauce for the Gander
Don't assume that you need to be faithful to him. A lot of women are used to the idea that fidelity is a trait to be valued, and a lot of men think it's something they deserve even if it's strictly one-sided. This is obviously something which could cause problems in your dealings with him, and if you can manage to keep any other lovers a secret you should do so. Of all people in the world, the man who takes a mistress has no right to expect exclusivity2.
Having done my share of mistressing (in my younger and wilder days, of course) I think one point that might be driven a little bit harder home is that he has no right to demand your sexual fidelity. Perhaps if you're a 'kept woman' that negotiation might change, but for a pure and naughty mistress, forget it. Once upon a time when I was smart enough to know better, and naive enough to listen to him, I went through a world of hurt dealing with a jealous, married man. It took ages for my rational mind to kick its way through the sex-crazed-weasel glow and assert itself: mistresses don't owe their boy toy anything more than a mutual good time.
End It Too Soon
It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to end an affair while it is still good. However, it is far better to look back on something which has always been good for both of you, than it is to have your most recent memories bad ones. In many respects the best affairs are time limited.
I had an affair with someone while we were both on an assignment abroad. The first night we slept together I said 'this is overseas only'; he gave me a very odd look as if to say 'well of course it is'. It ended a little too soon as a result, but every single night we were together was a good one, and he still phones me every now and again for a chat. Although I would never ask him to help me move house, he is one of three people in the world that I would ask for help moving a body.
The Woman He Married
View Guilt-gifts as a Silent Compliment
Having a mistress is expensive. He may not be paying for sex directly, but as well as paying for the nights out with you, he will be buying gifts for his wife. Don't be threatened by these, and don't be offended.
When the affair was over, he bought his wife a conservatory and had fitted units put in their bedroom, and remodeled the bathroom. I was impressed. I certainly didn't want him to buy me a conservatory too, but I felt it showed just how much he had enjoyed his time with me if he felt about 20 grand's worth of guilt!
However, that £20,000 is put into the shade by the following guilt-gifts:
The two years I was with someone cost him dear. During that time he bought his wife all the things he had previously refused to buy her. These things included a second house, a swimming pool, having the garden landscaped, two new cars, over £200,000 worth of house re-decoration, approximately £50,000 worth of diamond jewellery and a mink coat! Then he had to install a very expensive burglar- and fire-alarm system and large safe to keep it all secure. Far from feeling resentful, I was amused and flattered.
Don't Be a Taxi
The only men to have affairs with are men whose marriages are stable.
He obviously does not feel the same way about his wife as he did on the day that he promised to 'cleave to her only, till us do part'; but, someone who has a vested interest in keeping his marriage in good health is the perfect part-time lover. Too many men will only get off the bus if there is a taxi waiting, and causing that much grief and pain to another woman is bad for everyone. If he does leave her, what on earth makes you think he will be faithful to you? You already know he tells lies.
It is a good policy to tell him that if he leaves his wife, you will leave him. That particular threat keeps a man's mind focused on keeping both of you happy.
You Never Know, You Might Like Her
If your lover always goes for one type of woman, it is very likely you would actually like his wife very much indeed.
My last husband always used to call me 'Hazel', and he always bought me White Linen perfume from Estée Lauder. I didn't like either of these habits. I discovered why he did it when he collapsed once and I thought he was going to die. I was wrong as it turned out, but I thought I should get in touch with his two previous wives and his secretary. I suspected that he was having an affair with her, and I was right. They all came, and we spent the afternoon sitting and talking by his bed, while he was hooked up to the monitors. It turns out that he had called all of us 'Hazel' and bought all of us White Linen, even though none of us could stand the stuff. He woke up at one point, looked around the room, and not surprisingly he passed out again.
His secretary and I spent the evening in my apartment drinking wine and talking about him. The long and the short of the story is that I ended up divorcing him, but she has become one of my best friends.
Be a Goddess, but not a Domestic One
Keep the Magic Alive
Treat every date like one of the first dates. Be sweet, listen and sympathise. Be kind, don't gush, and give him the time for him to talk about that most fascinating of subjects - himself.
Strangely there is something rather fulfilling in indulging someone and talking to them on their subjects. After a while you not only become a good listener, but also more understanding and less selfish. And you can afford to do this, because you don't see him every day, and you don't want him to become part of your own life.
If the toilet leaks, it is your problem: call a plumber.
Get Steamy Not Seedy
Have showers together, have baths together, but unless you have fabulous legs and shaving them becomes an erotic activity in itself, keep all other bathroom activities behind closed doors. The line between intimacy and familiarity should never be crossed. The mysterious magic of having a mistress is destroyed for him when the domestic or physical realities intrude.
Thin Wisps of Nothingness
Make a special effort. Remember he will constantly be comparing you with his wife. Make sure your skin is silky smooth by exfoliating and moisturising regularly, and book in for a waxing a couple of days before your date so your body is perfect and hairless. Splash out on ridiculously expensive, microscopic underwear by La Perla. Wear the underwear - stocking, suspenders, corset, basque, etc, whatever he personally likes. Be confident in it as though you wear it all the time and never ever complain about any discomfort it may cause. If you want to be treated like something special, you must be special.
Other Skills
Unless you are an effortless and excellent cook, don't try to be a domestic goddess. Your relationship is not about domesticity and it is surprisingly hard to cook a meal and not burn it when crazed with lust. If he does come round to yours, have a casserole already prepared or specialise in food like cheese and grapes and Haagen Daz, which can become part of the evenings activities.
Don't, however, make a habit of preparing meals and staying in. Men can all to quickly become comfortable in the domestic situation and bang go your dinners and evenings out. Remember mistresses are not wives, they are there to be indulged and enjoyed, not used.
If you can massage backs or feet or heads, so much the better. However, there is a difference between rubbing a back and giving a massage, and massage is a skill worth acquiring. Anyone can have sex, but very few women can release knots in the trapezius.
Where to Find a Married Man
As Jackie Collins points out - the world is full of them. The two obvious places to look are at work, and (if you are married yourself) among your circle of friends. Both carry risks.
Professional Engagements
It can be all too easy to find a lover in the workplace, but it can be difficult to work with one.
When we first started sleeping together he would walk past my desk to his, and I would get turned on just by that proximity. I found it distracting, and to be honest annoying. I knew I was going to have a wonderful time that night, I really did not need the distraction during the day.
It can also be the most enormous fun.
We had always been very flirty right from the start. My personal style is very flirty anyway, and he is fun to flirt with. That became even more fun when we were having the affair, but no-one knew about it. The best bit was saying things with a completely straight face or sounding as if I was in a bad mood, which only he knew were true.
Him - 'Can you review this report for me before I send it out?' Me (with no innuendo at all) - 'Is that the best use of my time? I am sure it is up to the same high standards I know you always deliver whenever you do anything for me.'
However, working with an ex-lover can be painful, which is one of the reasons for keeping the whole affair very light. Some organisations take relationships between members of staff very seriously indeed, so the professional risks can be high.
A Circle of Friends
They say you should never foul your own doorstep, and having an affair with someone within your circle of friends is exactly that. However, circumstances dictate that you are far more likely to meet and have an affair with someone within that circle than outside. Before embarking on an affair with a friend's husband, be aware that if it is discovered, you, and not him, will be blamed for it and everyone will treat you like a scarlet women, whether there were mitigating circumstances or not. Adulterous men have an amazing ability to come up smelling of roses regardless of their actions.
To conduct an affair with someone you see socially, you have to be extremely comfortable and confident in the presence of both them and their wife. The biggest mistake people make is to become more reserved and less flirtatious with the husband once an affair has begun - this change in behaviour is an absolute give-away. Behave exactly as you did before and no-one will be suspicious.
Ending an affair with someone you will continue to see socially is extremely difficult. If it ends amicably, you may find yourself being tempted to re-kindle it at some stage. If it ends badly, it may be very difficult to continue socialising with them without considerable discomfort.
Also remember, a husband who has had one affair will more than likely go on to have more.
I was staying with my lover and his wife for a couple of weeks. His wife was well aware that he was apt to stray and spent most of her waking hours keeping tabs on him. One particular day he was working in London and she could not contact him for a couple of hours in the afternoon. She kept saying 'Where is he? What's he up to?' I sat there initially confident that for once I wasn't the prime suspect, but after a while I too started thinking 'Where is he? What's he up to?' and then I thought 'Oh my God, she's got me doing it too!' It was then I realised that safe in the knowledge that both his wife and mistress were stuck at home, he was probably off with someone else.
You either accept it or get out, there is no room for jealousy when you are a mistress.
The Fifty Mile Rule
This suggests that the ideal distance between your home and your lover's is 50 miles. This is near enough to meet up easily, but far enough to ensure that you don't meet his wife or family in any casual social context accidentally and thus cause embarrassment. However not all social circles work like that. Some worlds (polo, music, theatre, and so on) are spread thinner and further than 50 miles.
Don't Tell Anyone Who Knows Him About Your Affair
This is particularly important if you have a circle of friends in common. If you tell someone who knows him, or even worse, knows his wife, you have to assume that sooner or later she will find out. If you absolutely must share your private life with someone, then only ever tell a girlfriend who knows you but not him.
Money Matters
Some mistresses are self-financing, and this reduces your vulnerability. It keeps things much cleaner because there is no risk to the rent on your flat or your grocery bills if anything happens to your relationship. Let him buy you drinks, meals and presents as it is another way of flattering his ego - and let's face it, male egos are easily flattered. But if you can afford to be self-financing, then you retain a lot of power in the relationship.
If You Do It, Do It Well!
Having an affair with a married man suits a lot of women at some stage in their lives. It is fun, it is flattering, it is the most wonderful way of rebuilding damaged self-confidence, and it gives you a great sense of your own power. If you make sure no-one gets hurt by setting the rules and calling the shots even though you appear to be giving away a lot of your power by never phoning him and by consciously flattering his ego, you are in fact retaining control.
And above all, it involves lots of sex, and you never have to wash any socks.
