Sunday, January 12, 2025

An education stemmed from love

Since early twenties, I have always wanted to educate my students with love and not the conventional way. When I talk about education, I will always be reminded of my teachers who would shout at me, yell at me - though with good intentions. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame them but there’s something in me which feels that there must be some other ways of educating students.

When I finally get a chance to teach, I kept reminding myself “Don’t flare up, teach with love.” Then, the other me couldn’t surprise the anger. I would then ended up shouting at them or scolding them. Exactly how I grew up with. After shouting at them, I would feel guilty and often question myself if I have dampen their confidence or spoilt their learning experience. 

Things went on for a few years and I decided to take a break from teaching. I didn’t like the way I was. Things didn’t change when I became a mother of three. I was mean and strict to them although I hold on to the principle to teach with love. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how. 

It was in 2023 when I decided to send my youngest son to a Waldorf kindergarten. I came across Waldorf in 2015 but due to financial constraints, we couldn’t afford to send our eldest to a Waldorf school. Now another chance arrived. I quickly enrolled my youngest, L to this Waldorf school 15 minutes away from my house. It was the best decision ever. 

The place was filled with love - I could feel it with all five senses. It was beyond words. The children were happily playing - climbing trees, building sand castles, swinging on a swing, running around barefoot. There were angelic voices singing freely, smells of home cooked food from the kitchen, not to mention the sight of nature surrounding this place. You wouldn’t call it a school by looking at it!

L was only 3 then, he had separation anxiety but after a while, he loved going to this place - school. There was no stress, no fear, no negative emotions. You might be worried, how about learning? I can tell you, you don’t have to be worried. In Waldorf school, there is a time for every learning. This education meets your child at the place where your child is ready. In short, why rush? What good does it brings to graduate early? Why teach your child something he or she is not ready for? 

Then I realised, life is a long journey. Learning never stop - there is something that meets you at certain stages of your life. It can never be beneficial if you force something into someone who is not ready. Let time work its magic on the students. 

Now that I am a Waldorf school music teacher, I gradually find my own way in bringing music into my students’ life. There is no longer shouting or yelling in the classroom, it is now replaced with laughters and joyous moments. Are they learning it right then? I can’t be sure of it but what I am sure of is they love music - it will be their lifelong companion. Isn’t it what music education means? 

Monday, December 23, 2024

New Hope - New Life

 You are in charge of your own destiny! 

It’s over, finally it’s over. Everything I had thought of I true. He has been lying and I finally break free from his manipulation. 

I grew, a lot~

Now, I just want to jot down every little thing in life which makes life alive! 

J has been reading a lot, an avid reader I would say. 

His Christmas present wish was a book from Dan Brown. So I bought 2 for him (there’s additional 20% off with 2 books purchased) 

This is how I break the curse - the family curse 

My parents would never buy me any books - not to mention novels… it sure moulded me into a spendthrift person but at the same time - don’t I deserve a present? Something I want to own…. 

Gifting is a way to show your love - and this Christmas I choose to give something to my children, just to remind them they are loved! 


Friday, August 30, 2024

Day 2 - 29 August 2024

 I have been strong. 

I have some urge to communicate with him but I stopped myself. His words has helped me a lot.

HY has been supportive. I was pretty cold - most likely I am still unclear of my own emotions 

Somehow I feel I no longer need anyone in my life 

I have everything I need 

I have people supporting me 

Also, I am only starting to learn what is love - the right love 

Day 1 - 28 August 2024

 He moved out today

The last sentence which came out from his mouth before we departed: I enjoy hitting people. I will not stop and I will never change. I’m telling you this so you can stop waiting for me. 

It never left me.

I know he will tell me later on he doesn’t mean it (which is true coz he said it on 29 August)

I didn’t cry when he left, I only cried before he left and I was talking to him why this has to happen.

Tuesday, August 27, 2024

Day 70 - 27 August

 He is going to move out for good 

Until now, I am still telling him i didn’t abandon him. It’s just that it’s not safe for him to stay with me and the children. He is violent, abusive. It’s not going to be easy for him to change. He doesn’t accept my advice nor does he show any sign of remorse. His mood and idea has been yo-yo’ing. 

I have to leave for my own sanity. To keep myself in a healthy environment. I want to be happy, I have suffered too much… he is not my responsibility