New Hope - New Life

 You are in charge of your own destiny! 

It’s over, finally it’s over. Everything I had thought of I true. He has been lying and I finally break free from his manipulation. 

I grew, a lot~

Now, I just want to jot down every little thing in life which makes life alive! 

J has been reading a lot, an avid reader I would say. 

His Christmas present wish was a book from Dan Brown. So I bought 2 for him (there’s additional 20% off with 2 books purchased) 

This is how I break the curse - the family curse 

My parents would never buy me any books - not to mention novels… it sure moulded me into a spendthrift person but at the same time - don’t I deserve a present? Something I want to own…. 

Gifting is a way to show your love - and this Christmas I choose to give something to my children, just to remind them they are loved! 

Day 2 - 29 August 2024

 I have been strong. 

I have some urge to communicate with him but I stopped myself. His words has helped me a lot.

HY has been supportive. I was pretty cold - most likely I am still unclear of my own emotions 

Somehow I feel I no longer need anyone in my life 

I have everything I need 

I have people supporting me 

Also, I am only starting to learn what is love - the right love 

Day 1 - 28 August 2024

 He moved out today

The last sentence which came out from his mouth before we departed: I enjoy hitting people. I will not stop and I will never change. I’m telling you this so you can stop waiting for me. 

It never left me.

I know he will tell me later on he doesn’t mean it (which is true coz he said it on 29 August)

I didn’t cry when he left, I only cried before he left and I was talking to him why this has to happen.

Day 70 - 27 August

 He is going to move out for good 

Until now, I am still telling him i didn’t abandon him. It’s just that it’s not safe for him to stay with me and the children. He is violent, abusive. It’s not going to be easy for him to change. He doesn’t accept my advice nor does he show any sign of remorse. His mood and idea has been yo-yo’ing. 

I have to leave for my own sanity. To keep myself in a healthy environment. I want to be happy, I have suffered too much… he is not my responsibility 

Day 65 - 22 August

 I wished he had left and never came back!

Now he’s back, he is just a free loader. 

He doesn’t has money, doesn’t has a proper place to stay, doesn’t has friend who stand by him, doesn’t has a job. 

That’s why he is here. No money for petrol, to go out enjoy anymore. Eat mine, stay mine, use mine! So disgusting. 

When he has money he will not be at home. 

He is just using my empathy and I still do not know how to chase him out for good without hurting him.